DD2 still in Texas + DD1 at debate tournament + DH visiting inlaws =

naptime!

Because I can never resist Jenn's invite to play...

What I thought when I read Jenn's Singular Saturday...

...Aww.

Yeah we are silly, but that's what the weekend is for, right? Wanna play too? Check out Jenn's place!

Never Enough...

sleep....Z-Z-Z-Z-Z.

Don't get caught napping and missing the fun! Come and play here!

How Much I Knew about the Red Boots' Road Trip...

Clueless!!

Jenn-in-Holland is full of surprises. So is SMID!! For more surprising words, come play with us here!

To A Stressed Mom, she's Worth Her Weight in Gold:

Babysitter!

Don 'cha wanna come play with us? Just say "Hi!" to Jenn!!

What I Felt When Tasting Pumpkin Pie for the First Time in 15 years or so:

...Bliss!


Jenn lets anyone play in her backyard, so come join the fun!!

What We're Doing Today...

maintenance.

Computer, lawn, desk, house, etc...

Wanna play? Just ask Jenn!

Before I Got Out of Bed...

afflicted

Check out Jenn-in-Holland for more wonderful words!

Singular Saturday - The New Game in Town!

Fretting.

We're following the leader! 'Cuz all the Cool Kids are!

Geek Humour

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower, gifts and jewelery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but then installed undesirable programs such as Golf Clubs 4.1, NBA 3.0 and World Cup 2.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate Housewife

Reply:

Dear Desperate Housewife,

First keep in mind: Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2. Don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If those applications all work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Beer 6.1. Late Night Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 (it runs a Virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also do not attempt to reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Tasty Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 6.9.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

Short Chemistry lesson

Three late-evening school meetings, a homework meltdown, general autumn malaise and a fibromyalgia flare have limited my time in the blogging sphere this week.  But I could not miss out on Saturday Silliness!  Don't be intimidated by the scientific bent of this story, it is still pretty easy to understand.  Get all the terms down and impress your friends!

****************************************************************************
The following is an actual question given on a University of ILLINOIS chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed)or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.' "

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.


Happy Weekend!!

Men...!

Sorry but today I am generally irritated by those beings possessing the defective "X" chromosome. So since it's my blog...


Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He
immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says,
"I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation
with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book she had been looking
forward to reading on the plane, closes it slowly and says to the guy,
"What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But first
let me ask you a question. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff--grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a
flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop.
Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to
discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

***********************************************************************

This was sent to me as a "public service message" for women to understand men better.


Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set
in. Calling AAA (or road service equivalent) is not an option. I will win.

_________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I
will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know
what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us
will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these
things, but now with all these computers and everything, I
wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple
of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.

_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to
bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and
moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so
for you, this is no problem.

_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite
evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once
the repair person gets here and has to put it back
together.

___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for
it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator.....(applies to engineers mainly).

_______________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex,
cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else
when you ask, so don't ask.

_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she
calls, or think about her any more than I have to.
Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't
need to see it.

_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I
didn't....and if you are feeling amorous
afterwards....then I will certainly at least remember the
name and recommend it to others.

_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or
without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Can we just go now?

_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007,
I will share equally in the housework. You just do the
laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the
dishes, and I'll do the rest...... like wandering around
in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.



(deep sigh) Happy Weekend!

Beauty is in the Ear of the Listener

A German, an Italian, a Spaniard, a Frenchman and an American were at a meeting together and during the break they decided to enjoy the lovely summer weather in a local outdoor cafe. As they sat drinking their wine and beer, a butterfly landed on the table where they were sitting.

They all were still for a moment, observing it, when the Frenchman was suddenly inspired. "Ze French language, she is so poeteek! We call zis delicate creature 'Papillion'! (pronounced pa-pi-on). Is eet not a wonderful name?"

His companions agreed that indeed this was a beautiful word for the insect. They all toasted "Papillion!"

The Spaniard, not to be outdone, said, "De Spanish language is also very descreepteeve. We say 'Mariposa' which is also a very bootiful word." And of course this was received and praised and toasted by all present.

And the Italian, in some false modesty, admitted that while his language was also very beautiful, the word "Farfalla" did not quite do justice to the loveliness of the being currently gracing their table. His companions were quick to disagree and another round of drinks was bought to toast this lovely language.

The American, knowing that English did not have the same poetry compared to the other names, defended the sound of "Butterfly" that while nonsensical in translation, still managed to roll off the tongue and was a fitting tribute to this wondrous masterpiece of Mother Nature. And his companions agreed and they all tried out their new words "Butterfly, Mariposa, Papillion, Farfalla" and with every utterance the others cheered and toasted and drank their beers.

Their German companion, however, had become increasingly silent during this discussion. When they all slowly noticed this, they became quiet and drank their beers with introspection. Finally, the German slammed his drink down on the table and asked " Und vat is wrong vit SCHMETTERLING ?!"


I laugh every time I read/hear/think of this joke. My husband has never been able to get it! And I think that's even funnier!

Google Fun!

Google Earth now has an upgrade which is literally "out of this world" . With this upgrade you can now cruise the heaven from your home/desktop computer. Now supernovas, galaxies and all sort of celestial phenomena are only a mouse click away.

The upgrade is ‘Sky in Google Earth’, and it can be downloaded free of charge with the newest version of Google Earth. Now in just a few seconds, anyone can view over 120 of the most popular Hubble images. It is fairly simple to operate with drop-down menus and zoom features that are typical of Google Earth.

But this blog is my usual Saturday Silliness, so here is a bit of silly Google Fun. In addition to their Google Earth, there is also a website Google Moon. This is also a really cool website with the landing sites of all the Apollo missions indicated. Any of these features can be clicked on and viewed up-close. The really fun part (show this to your kids!) is when you choose to zoom in really close to see what the moon looks like at the highest definition!

Happy Weekend!!

Wanna Laugh...?

I love language jokes. And this one tickles my funny bone on so many levels tht I just have to share!

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish,
unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: “el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into
two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for
themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of
the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers
is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

                            (THIS GETS BETTER !)

 The women's group, however, concluded that computers should
be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the
time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited
a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

    The women won!!.

And if you haven't seen it, then for a great laugh go and visit the up-and-coming new You-Tube star who also happens to be the first winner of the "Blame" Award. In accepting and displaying her "Blame" bling, she made a hilarious video that surpasses any Saturday silliness I could come up with! Check it out!!


Happy Weekend!!

European Heaven & Hell

For today's first "Saturday Silliness", which replaces the "Sunday Funnies" I had started here and here, I continue my attempt to share with you some European humor and give you one of my favorite jokes about Europe. For those of you who have traveled here and are familiar with the stereotypes, you will really understand how funny (and true) this is. Others can hopefully appreciate some if not all of the characterizations.

The Difference Between a European Heaven and a European Hell:

In a European Heaven-

• The French are the cooks,
• The English are the police,
• The Germans are the mechanics,
• The Italians are the lovers and
• The Swiss organize everything.

In a European Hell-

• The English are the cooks,
• The Germans are the police,
• The French are the mechanics,
• The Swiss are the lovers and
• The Italians organize everything!

Happy Weekend!

Communications Difficulties (1)

I guess because I live in a place where most people don't regularly speak my native tongue, I have an affinity for jokes, cartoons and other "funnies" about communication problems. So for this Sunday's funnies, I offer a selection that I usually giggle over:

Great commercial about language problems!

And one about another "failure to communicate".

This one is R-Rated, but still is so typical of language barriers!

This one is for my friend Jenn and others who might appreciate the choreography.

And from one of my earlier posts, one of my own mis-communications. I think it'd make a great commercial for language lessons:

I used to be a perfectionist. I took myself very seriously and I never liked making mistakes. I was cured of this shortly after moving to Germany. Even though it was only going to be for a period of 2 years, I learned the hard way that I would not survive the stress of holding onto my ideals. I had to let go and not be afraid of making a fool out of myself when I tried to speak the language. This lesson was only too clear after I went to the office where six of my male German colleagues worked (including one who was eventually to become my husband). In a very clear and confident tone, I announced that I was moving house and was there someone who would be willing to help me. A very good, perfect German sentence, pronounced well and easily understood by my colleagues, except...I included one tiny extra word that changed the sentence to me announcing that I was removing my clothes and would someone be willing to help me. My conservative German colleagues were very quiet and stunned, and I stood there a bit confused about why they were looking at me so strangely, when I realized my mistake at the same time that they did.... Well, it did break the ice. And the colleague who did volunteer to help me move also helped remove my clothes some months later...

Happy Sunday!

Sunday Funnies

Dutch humor is different in many ways from American humor. Actually with the prevalence of flatulence and other off-color subjects it may be close to the humor of all 10-year old boys. However, at times there are some really funny advertisements and some of the best use the tag line "Even Apeldoorn bellen". As the literal translation "Call Apeldoorn" doesn't mean anything outside of the Netherlands, you must understand that all the call centers for the insurance providers of accident, household, casualty, theft, travel, etc. insurance are located in a city in the far north of the Netherlands, Apeldoorn. The insurance companies got together a long time ago to develop an ad campaign to remind people to get insurance and pay their fees and make their claims, and instead of saying " Time to call the insurance company" they said "Even Apeldoorn bellen".

With this information you can now visit the website which contains all the award-winning television advertisements of the collective insurance group, most of which require no further translation. Some of my favorites are : Vlieg (Fly), Balletje (Ball), Gorilla, Museum, Cementmixer...I could go on. But these choices give you an idea of my twisted sense of humor. Find your own favorites!

Happy Sunday!