Geek Humour

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower, gifts and jewelery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but then installed undesirable programs such as Golf Clubs 4.1, NBA 3.0 and World Cup 2.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate Housewife

Reply:

Dear Desperate Housewife,

First keep in mind: Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2. Don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If those applications all work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Beer 6.1. Late Night Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 (it runs a Virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also do not attempt to reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Tasty Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 6.9.

Good Luck,

Tech Support