Men...!

Sorry but today I am generally irritated by those beings possessing the defective "X" chromosome. So since it's my blog...


Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He
immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says,
"I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation
with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book she had been looking
forward to reading on the plane, closes it slowly and says to the guy,
"What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But first
let me ask you a question. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff--grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a
flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop.
Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to
discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

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This was sent to me as a "public service message" for women to understand men better.


Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set
in. Calling AAA (or road service equivalent) is not an option. I will win.

_________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I
will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know
what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us
will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these
things, but now with all these computers and everything, I
wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple
of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.

_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to
bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and
moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so
for you, this is no problem.

_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite
evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once
the repair person gets here and has to put it back
together.

___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for
it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator.....(applies to engineers mainly).

_______________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex,
cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else
when you ask, so don't ask.

_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she
calls, or think about her any more than I have to.
Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't
need to see it.

_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I
didn't....and if you are feeling amorous
afterwards....then I will certainly at least remember the
name and recommend it to others.

_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or
without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Can we just go now?

_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007,
I will share equally in the housework. You just do the
laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the
dishes, and I'll do the rest...... like wandering around
in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.



(deep sigh) Happy Weekend!